From burnout to thriving
I am so grateful for Brene Brown who gives us language for what we are experiencing. In a recent Unlocking Us podcast that I listened to this morning, Brene stated "I'm not falling apart but I am perpetually not okay". It is like she is speaking from my heart.
Though I recently named my January 1 (my restart), today I realised why I am here. I have not been okay for months. In September, I performance-managed one of my leads out of my team. While I am a huge proponent for 'if you can't change the people, change the people'; it is not easy. I have not found accountability an innate part of our society - we can hide from what we say by saying it on social media, we can cheat our way out of making bad health choices by getting for cosmetic surgery and we can often pay our way out of our mistakes.
So, if you are like me and take shit seriously (work, health, relationships), it can be an incredibly frustrating world. I do the right thing 99.9% of the time. Not always because I want to (I'd much rather have a piece of toast for lunch than a salad), but because I believe it will pay off in the long term. I believe it is the best choice. Not for now. Now I want all the carbs. But later, I will want the benefit of the salad.
Unfortunately, what happens when you do the right thing is that you're generally the one that gets fucked over in the short term. In a time when instant gratification equates to success, anything that pays long-term dividends is a hard choice.
Since September last year, I've been juggling an already full workload, a reduced lead team and recruitment while simultaneously navigating a pandemic and the possibility of a world war. After two years of long hours and no meaningful break thanks to lockdown, this has been the icing on a very unstable cake.
I'm resilient, resourceful, determined and capable. But, like many high-performing people, I am tired. And it is not the kind of fatigue a nap on a Sunday afternoon can rectify. This is, take a year off work, lie on a beach and go for long walks kind of exhaustion. The level of tiredness I feel right now penetrates into my soul.
What burnout looks like:
Not taking care of yourself (eating, drinking and exercise habits; in extreme cases, it can lead to or exacerbate substance abuse)
Mental health deterioration
Mood swings and irritability
Reduced tolerance, and a tendency to angry/emotional outbursts
Relationship impacts
Like most things, half the battle is won when you realise you are at war. When you know where you are, you can do something about it. When people find themselves in a battleground, their choice is to fight, freeze or get the hell out.
Fighting burnout leads to more burnout. You know that saying, you can't fight fire with fire? Burnout is the same. You cannot work your way out of it. Doing more won't solve the problem.
Sitting in burnout and continuing to run the hamster wheel is a short path. It's heart attack territory (hopefully not literally). While it is understandable not to know how to break free, choosing to stay in a state that is affecting you physically, mentally and emotionally is a recipe for disaster. And you are the one that will suffer the most. Trying to convince yourself that you are doing the right thing and protecting others is admirable but, very likely, naive. Acting to protect others should only ever be a short-term proposition. When we continue to do more than our share, we are not setting ourselves up for success. We need to put systems in place to spread the load and reclaim ourselves.
Getting out is the only real solution; the one option that leads to recovery and change. Change is naturally hard. Humans are great at maintaining the status quo. We are adept at creating habits and sticking to them. Altering habits and ways of thinking is challenging, but not impossible.
Focus on self-care. This is different for everyone (a long bath, a massage, a walk along the beach) but try to find time every day, or every hour of every day if your burnout is extreme, to do something that is just for you. Not clear on what self-care looks like for you? This is not uncommon when completely depleted. Start anyway. Drink a cup of herbal tea. If you like it, keep drinking. If you don't, try going for a walk in the sunshine. If you don't like that, find a tree in a park and lie underneath it. Journal. The possibilities are endless and you will find something that works for you. What's important is to do things that refill your cup faster than you are pouring from it.
Take a meaningful break from the source of your burnout. De-couple from the trigger/s that are leading to your exhaustion. Taking time away from the daily grind allows you the mental clarity to be in the best service in all aspects of your life.
Get some perspective. We all have the same 168 hours in a week. How do you want to spend yours?
Reduce or eliminate vices like caffeine, alcohol, sugar, and binge-watching Netflix (or whatever you are using as your coping mechanism)
Set/reset boundaries. Guardrails, like documentation, set you free. Put yourself first. Be clear on the limits of what you are willing to do and communicate this to the people that need to know. Be realistic about what you can commit to then take 10% off that list to allow space for the unexpected. Life is always throwing curve balls, cater for them in your plan.
Demonstrate endless self-compassion. You are human. You will fail from time to time. What you need is progress, not perfection!
