Self-love
What is self-love?
Self-love is the appreciation your hold for yourself, your well-being and your happiness. It is about ensuring you take care of your own needs. Self-love is not just what you do, it is what you think and feel about yourself as well.
Self-love is not selfish. It is not about being conceited or vain or taking from others but rather something deeper than that. True self-care is actually selfless. It’s about having healthy boundaries to ensure your needs (not necessarily your every want) are met. Self-love allows you to take care of yourself so that you can be of better service to others. You cannot pour from an empty cup. So, ensuring you are nourished, well-hydrated and in peak physical condition actually means that you can give more to those around you. The truth is, you are better able to take care of the people you love when you are well.
The four aspects of self-love
Self-awareness
Being aware of your thoughts, how they affect your emotions and how your emotions impact your actions
The key to emotional intelligence, self-awareness allows you to create a space between triggers and responses
That space could be removing toxic people from your life or avoiding situations you know will create undesirable feelings. If that’s not possible, self-awareness allows you to redirect your energy in helpful ways
Self-awareness can be improved through reflective practices including journalling
2. Self-worth
Your internal state of being good enough
Every individual is worthy of love and belonging
Separating “I did something” from “I am something”
3. Self-esteem
Simply put, self-esteem is our concept of ourselves
What we think, feel and believe about ourselves
Rating of or confidence in one’s own qualities
4. Self-care
The practice of taking actions to preserve or improve our own health
The World Health Organisation includes the prevention of disease as a part of its definition of self-care
Includes making healthy lifestyle choices (nutrition, exercise, environmental factors, social habits), self-management (hygiene such as bathing, hand washing and brushing your teeth), and socioeconomic factors
Also covers risk avoidance – avoiding drugs, practising safe sex, driving safely
Why does self-love matter?
Self-love is great for mental health. Having a strong sense of self-love helps to keep depression and anxiety at bay and reduces self-criticism which then results in higher self-esteem.
Self-appreciation usually improves your life in general as you will see yourself as a strong, capable person. This means that you are more likely to take on challenges and continue to reinforce the viewpoint.
With high self-love, you will also be more likely to achieve the goals you have set for yourself. People with higher opinions of themselves tend to show greater dedication to tasks, even in the face of adversity.
Self-love can also foster stronger relationships with others. The tools you have developed to care for yourself give you the ability to better care for others.
Self-love tends to allow for a greater sense of agency; allowing you more control over your life. Giving you the strength to change the things you need to while also allowing you to accept those you cannot. High performers tend to have more positive opinions of themselves. A greater sense of self-love is positively correlated with better performance at school and at work.
Simply put, adequate self-care allows you to thrive.
Defining what self-love means for you
With such a broad definition, it is not surprising that most people have a different perspective on what self-love is for them.
For me, self-love is living in accordance with my values, holding myself accountable to the standards I have set for myself, making healthy choices the majority of the time, chasing my dreams and celebrating success.
For others, it may be
Saying positive things to yourself
Meeting your own needs before the needs of others
Practising forgiveness
Being assertive
Showing compassion
Having a positive perspective
“True self-care is not bath salts and chocolate cake,
it’s making the choice to build a life you don’t need to escape from.”
– Brianna Wiest
Where to start
Let go of perfectionism
Stop comparing yourself to others. As my favourite US President, Theodore Roosevelt, once said “comparison is the thief of joy”. While we’re socialised to be competitive, the truth is, there is only ONE of you
Live life to the fullest by chasing your dreams
Let go of others’ opinions of you
It is almost impossible to please everyone. Don’t waste time trying to do so
Forgive yourself when you make mistakes
Know that you are worthy just the way you are; for simply being born. As I have stated before, recognise that your value does not lie in what you look like, how much you earn, where you live, what you wear or your job title
Above all else, be kind to yourself
How do you practice self-love?
Listen to your body
Breathe
Eat well
Stay hydrated
Take a nap
Accept yourself as you are
Focus on positive self-talk (or at least let go of negative stories about yourself)
Prioritise your physical, emotional and mental wellbeing
Practice mindfulness
Focus on your breath. Elongate your exhalation. This creates greater balance and a stronger perspective
Meditate
Spend time with people that elevate you. People that are supportive, honest and uplifting. People that will call you out on your bullshit and hold you accountable to your values
Move your body whether it is through yoga, walking, swimming, surfing, rowing or playing basketball with your friends/children
Manage stress
Celebrate success - When you accomplish something (small or large), take the time to acknowledge it and celebrate it in a meaningful way. The celebration could be a break to enjoy a cup of tea after completing a particularly challenging document to dinner with friends after accepting a new job or promotion
Find your happy place. Whether it is a chair in your lounge room, a local park
Implement acts of self-care. From making and drinking a cup of tea, writing in your journal every day or eating more fruits and vegetables to putting on moisturiser at the end of the day or a weekly face mask or hair mask
De-clutter. Cleaning up (a place for everything and everything in its place) gives you the freedom to do more important things
Make time for your hobby/hobbies.
